you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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