i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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