i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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