it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
