dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
