You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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