Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
