it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize