idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
