four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
