foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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