yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
