do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
