I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
