They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
two words: eviction party
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
