she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
