Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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