in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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