I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
