my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
