Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
