I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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