so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
