It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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