I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize