So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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