...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
