My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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