This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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