I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
