My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
