you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
