I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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