Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
