i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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