can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
