I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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