i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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