It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We left the knife in your bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
