Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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