I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
