Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
