Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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