So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
