I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
