Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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