I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
