Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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