I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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