i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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