i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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