You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Couch. On fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
