I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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