he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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