it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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