Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
