Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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