I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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