If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
