i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
