I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize