Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
