At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
