i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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