he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
