brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please come you make the beer taste better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
