That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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