I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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