I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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