trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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