Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize