Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
