Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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