One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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